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Despre tata

Tata a împlinit anul acesta 55 de ani, la mulți ani! După zodie, tata este leu, tot leu este și în viață: mândru, principial și încrezut în sine.

În tinerețe, tata a fost mai mereu un leu furios. Mi-a fost frică de el mulți ani la rând, trăiam mereu cu frica să nu se dezlănțuie furia sa. Era furios din orice, ba că nu era apă în casă, ba că mâncarea era prea fierbinte, ba că nu găsea un ciorap etc. Uneori striga foarte tare, de se zguduiau ușile. Nu ne-a bătut niciodată, pe niciuna dintre noi, dar i-am știut de frică din priviri.

L-am judecat de multe ori, l-am urât în anumite perioade, nu l-am înțeles aproape niciodată, m-a durut tot timpul când vedeam relații frumoase dintre alte fete și tații lor.

Nu în zadar se spune că timpul le așează pe fiecare la locul lor. Fix așa s-a întâmplat și cu tata în inima mea. Vârsta, experiența sau poate înțelepciunea la care a ajuns tata, l-au schimbat mult.

Mi s-a făcut pielea de găină acum o jumătate de an când l-am auzit pe tata spunând „un copil n-are nevoie de bani sau de multe cadouri, el vrea să stai lângă el, să stea în brațe, să se simtă iubit.”

Contextul era următorul: sora mea era plecată în Anglia, iar pe fetița ei de 4 ani și-un pic a lăsat-o cu părinții mei. După jumătate de an, sora mea n-a mai rezistat dorului de copil și de casă, și a lăsat visul european, care nu este nici pe departe un vis foarte frumos , și s-a întors acasă.

Și uite când mama i-a dat vestea tatălui meu, el a spus fix cuvintele care le-am scris mai sus.

Tata s-a obișnuit foarte mult cu nepoțica și a suferit mult după ce a plecat , „casa e prea pustie” ,zicea el, cu toate că locuiesc în același orășel. El o ducea la grădiniță, o îmbrăca, o pieptăna, o hrănea. Iar acum când i se umplea inima de iubire, el nu mai știa cui să i-o dea.

Nu degeaba am spus că tata e un leu, el cu multă înțelepciune a început să dea iubirea sa tuturor oamenilor dragi din viața lui.

Tata s-a schimbat mult, a devenit mai sentimental, mai înțelegător, mai răbdător chiar și  mai luminos la chip și la suflet și am impresia că nu crede că pare vulnerabil dacă-și deschide inima și lasă să-i zboare sentimentele.

Iar acum recent când am fost acasă, tata m-a trezit la  7 și-un pic să-și ia rămas bun de la mine. Urma să ne reîntoarcem acasă în ziua aceea. M-a pupat și ne-am îmbrățișat lung și cald, și-atunci am înțeles un lucru, acolo unde-am simțit eu ranchiună era loc de multă iubire. Tata ne-a protejat prin fiecare „nu” și prin fiecare limită impusă. Fiecare comportament al său era un scut pentru noi, să ne ferească de situații urâte sau de suferință. Prea târziu am înțeles acest lucru, dar cu adevărat important este înțelegerea acestui fapt.

Să nu vă închipuiți că ne-am certat tot timpul sau am fost dușmani, mai mult vorbesc de durerea și sentimentele pe care le-am simțit, de partea sentimentală  a relației.

Tata a acționat de multe ori din propria durere sufletească, poate a visat și el să-l îmbrățișăm mai des, să-i spunem că-l iubim, iar noi i-am arătat doar supărare și neînțelegere. Deaceea este foarte important dialogul dintre părinți și copii, fiecare are dreptatea sa, în funcție de vârstă, dar se poate, prin vorbe calde, de simplificat foarte multă suferință.

A fost o lecție pentru noi toți și fiecare din noi a aprins lumină în suflet în acele locuri unde domnea întunericul, rănile și ranchiuna.

sursa foto: pixabay

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