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Cum am petrecut de cancerul ăsta – partea a XI-a

Cum am ajuns eu acasă de la spital și-mi vine să…

Urc scările a patru etaje ca o baronesă grasă, cu prea mult fard alb pe pomeți. De asta nu schițez nicio grimasă. Din cauza pomeților. Nu mă mai doare nimic. Doar gâfâi ca o baronesă grasă și bătrână. Cu pauze între etaje.

Mă așez la masă precum o Delfină (nu la animal mă refer, ci la nevasta Regelui Ludovic). Cu emfază, puțin cam neghioabă, ținându-mă de colțul mesei (ei bine, Delfina nu cred că cina lângă vreun colț de masă, dar a avut și ea perioade mai puțin bune). Mi se pun toate la îndemână, tacâmurile, mâncarea, sarea, chiar si scobitorile. Eu aprind lumânarea mea roșie. Azi nu spăl nici vase.

Patul. Ba nu, canapeaua din sufragerie, că de pat cu lenjerie de dormit am tot avut parte în ultimele 10 zile. Pernele mari, alea mici și ele, toate, în juru-mi. De parcă aș fi un bebeluș pentru care părinții se tem că ar putea cădea în nas oricând.

Acum 4 zile au poposit în salon două paciente cu tiroida defectă care și-au petrecut ceasuri plângându-se de toate necazurile strămoșilor lor și ale urmașilor urmașilor neamului. De ieri au încetat. De tot. Și nu pentru că nu ar mai fi putut sau pentru că s-ar fi epuizat subiectele… Pentru că și-au dat seama că, dacă mai pozează mult în oi, le papă lupoaica din patul de la geam, cu drenurile la vedere!

O pensionară liniștită, care a terminat cu graba din viața asta. Care mai are ceva din copilăria mult-îndepărtată – și asta pentru că se joacă cu frunzele de pe alee: le smintește cu adidașii.

Merge încet, acum ca un școlar care probabil a luat o notă proastă și se gândește cum s-o dreagă față de mama. Știe că va fi certat, dar, poate dacă îi vine o idee salvatoare…

Ca o îndrăgostită care vede și în frunzele copacilor și în căcărezele de porumbei, chipul iubitului. Și zâmbește la el.

Ca un pușcăriaș abia scăpat din temniță care se bucură de libertate, cu o clipă înainte să se întrebe Da eu ce pușca mea fac acum?.

Ca o alergătoare de maraton care s-a oprit să mai respire după sprint.

Ca o anorexică care se bucură că, în sfârșit, îi sunt largi pantalonii. Eu mă bucur că au bata joasă, ca să-mi încapă cusăturile, tifoanele, pungile, mațele.

Acum voi plânge 5 minute. Nu pentru că mi-e milă…

Așa îmi vine mie, acum, să plâng! Ca o supapă la toate baroanele, delfinele, bebelușii, lupoaicele, pensionarii, școlarii, îndrăgostiții, pușcăriașii, maratoniștii și anorexisiștii. Toate sunt eu…

Gata cu niorlăiala!

Am biruit! Mi-am apărat cetatea, chiar dacă știu că la granițele imperiului meu încă este nevoie de lupte grele. Aud urlând Frica, Ignoranța și Aroganța, Mândria, Invidia, Manipularea, Controlul, Avariția… Am multe de cucerit în viața asta! Și am s-o fac, indifrent de cicatricile care vor rămâne pe trupul și în sufletul meu! Am zis!

 

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